1 family. friendly food. » Not Becoming My Mother
Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Not Becoming My Mother

Ruth Reichl

I’ve got two signed copies of this book and am giving one away, hurray!

In case you don’t know who she is, Ruth Reichl is a culinary authority as the editor of Gourmet magazine, author of plenty of cookbooks and food books (see her web site), and a former restaurant critic of the New York Times.

In her latest “Not Becoming My Mother” book, Reichl reveals another side of her mother with whom she had complicated relationship throughout her life. After her mother’s death, Reichl finds a box full of diaries, letters and notes written by and to her mother. She puts the pieces together, investigating her mother’s life, and discovers a new and more understanding way to relate to her mother.

But, you see, Ruth Reichl is about 60 years old and her mother would have been 100 years old if she was still alive, and I’m wondering– is it really possible to change one’s complex relationships with one’s parents while the parents are alive, or is it more of an after death experience?

In her previous books Ruth Reichl writes about trying to be as far from her mother as she could because her mom drove her crazy. Unlike another famous blogger and new book writer Molly Wizenberg who says that her parents “are easy people to love”, Reichl had a hard time with this one.

A few weeks ago, during an event that Keren, the Frantic Foodie, has organized with Reichl at Olivar restaurant in Seattle, I had  a chance to ask her about it. I asked if she thought her relationship with her mother could have been a better one had she discovered all those things while she was still alive. Reichl said she thinks their relationships could have been a better and closer one.

What do you think?

 
The giveaway:

I am giving away an autographed copy of this book! One of you can win the book by commenting on any post, starting now and ending 4th of July, 2009.

Double your chances to win by linking to one of my posts on your blog, or help me promote it on social media (Digg, StumbleUpon, Twitter, etc). Let me know you did so in a comment below.
 
6/23/09 UPDATE:

Ruth Reichl’s publicist has generously given me 4 additional copies of the book to give away.
You can win one of them by doing at least one of the following:

1. Mention and link to my blog or any of its posts on your blog. Leave me a comment with a link to your post to let me know.
2. Subscribe to my blog via e-mail or RSS feed. (If you don’t know how to do it, click here for details).
3. Stumble the blog (or any of its posts that you like), digg it, or technorati fave it, or Twitter. Leave a comment to let me know.

There are a 3 ways you can enter to win a copy of the book but you need to leave me a comment and let me know, OK?

Limited to U.S. and Canada. The deadline is July 4th, 2009.
Thank you and good luck!


Categories : Giveaway



44 Comments

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  1. Jeanne

    June 7th, 2009 at 22:20

    Oh, I love Ruth Reichl! And you got to speak with her–lucky person!

    Your blog is inspiring. And I so enjoy your Twitter posts. I will RT your message about this contest!

    Thank you for doing this! Such a generous giveaway!

  2. samk

    June 8th, 2009 at 09:21

    Family dynamics are so interesting!

  3. Jennifer Nicole

    June 8th, 2009 at 10:36

    You know, if I got this book I think I’d hand it straight to my mother. She and I have a good relationship, but I think she’d resonate with the daughter’s perspective, and maybe even benefit from what she read.

    Thank you for hosting another fun giveaway – so generous.

    Jennifer Nicole’s last blog post..Shameless Self-Promotion

  4. Emilie

    June 8th, 2009 at 19:23

    I’m new to this blog but loving it. I’m headed right now to post it on my Twitter! Thanks for the wonderful recipes. I have 2 young kids and really appreciate your ideas. Am planning to use the “dirt cake” for my son’s birthday.

  5. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 8th, 2009 at 22:46

    Thank you all for your feedback.
    I’m glad to know you (would) like (to have) this book.

  6. Natasha - 5 Star Foodie

    June 9th, 2009 at 05:04

    Great giveaway – the book sounds very interesting!

    Natasha – 5 Star Foodie’s last blog post..Alinea: The Mystery and Magic

  7. unconfidentialcook

    June 9th, 2009 at 07:38

    I love Ruth Reichl, too. She was best when she was the NYT book review…in my opinion. My mother died five years ago, and I think all the time about how we could have had a better relationship. Sigh.

    unconfidentialcook’s last blog post..Carrot and Beet Salad (*RR)

  8. Michele

    June 9th, 2009 at 13:16

    This is great, thanks Nurit! I have read all of Ruth Reichl’s books, and they are as much about her love of food as they are about her trying to figure who she is, and what her family means to her. They are really well written and interesting studies into the psychological dynamics of family. It is unfortunate that Ruth could not work out her issues with her parents while they were alive, though there are glimpses in her books of her wishes to do so. I would love to win this book, specially an autographed copy! Love your blog, Michele

  9. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 9th, 2009 at 13:36

    I also felt those “glimpses” in the books. Ruth said that other people told her wonderful stories about her mom. But I think there is something in the parent-child dynamic that somehow prevents the child from seeing a parent that way UNLESS there was always a good connection there with lots of love and mutual respect.
    Of course the generation of “kids should only be seen but not be heard” did not contribute to a loving relationships between parents and children. Not to mention other places in the world where this is much worse.

  10. Joey

    June 9th, 2009 at 18:32

    I also love Ruth Reichl and have read her other books and would love to have this one. Your blog is great,so down to earth.

  11. Helen

    June 10th, 2009 at 01:54

    Wow, am I happy to have stumbled across your blog. I would so love to win this book. My mom passed away almost 16 years ago. She was an alcoholic with other problems. My issues are many as I grew up in a severly dysfuncional family. I still struggle today with eating issues, an anxiety disorder and depression. Food is how I cope with it all. IMHO, a food blog that I could find that discussed the good and bad side of food, how we deal with it and what it does to our hearts and soul, would be at the top of my list. I hope you will consider that. I am looking forward to discovering this author and what she has to say. Blessings to you, my dear. I thank you so much.

  12. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 10th, 2009 at 09:44

    Joey, Helen, thank you for you kind words about the blog.

    Helen, I think that unfortunately when becoming an adult and understanding that your parent had/has mental problems does not help much. The damage was done and now there’s lot of self-work to do and a lot of clean up. Knowing as adults that our parents had shortcomings and problems of their own might help overcoming and forgiving some things that were done, but not all of them.
    What do you think?

  13. Kate

    June 10th, 2009 at 14:41

    How great! I heard her on NPR a few weeks ago promoting the book and was so touched by her honesty and the real life emotions she exhibited while talking about her mother and their relationship. Isn’t it funny how food and recipes (or lack there of in Ruth’s mother’s case!) can have such an unimaginable impact on so many aspects of our lives. After hearing her speak that day, I added her book to my list of must reads for this year. Hope you are doing well!

  14. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 11th, 2009 at 08:42

    Michele sent this in an e-mail:

    Hello Nurit – thanks for your reply. There are so many different perspectives and relationships, and it is sad for people not to be able to come to an understanding with their parents before either they or their parents pass away. I have a great relationship with both of my parents who are amazing people. Everyone is human and is not perfect, and sometimes children and parents have unrealistic expectations of each other. It is great that you were able to meet and talk with Ruth, and it must have been a wonderful experience.
    Take care, Michele

    I replied with:

    It’s always so wonderful to hear people say about their parents that they are amazing people. I love to hear that. I wish I could say the same. Parents do need to come half-way, if not more, so the relationship has a chance of becoming better.
    I agree, Ruth describes things that do make me raise an eyebrow and I can’t understand how her mother did such things.

  15. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 11th, 2009 at 08:43

    Kate, yes. The food-family connection plays a big part in my life too. I relate to many events in my life food-wise. I even think about writing a book about it. Well… when I think about it… I already write a blog about :)

  16. Panda Foodie

    June 12th, 2009 at 08:05

    I already promotweeted your link! =)

    Love Ruth! She’s a great speaker and it was fun hearing her speak about her book. She’s such a genuine person!

    How fun would it be to share a meal with her? =)

  17. Michele

    June 12th, 2009 at 14:27

    Kate – thanks for mentioning that Ruth Reichl was on NPR. If anyone else is interested, this is the link to a selection of articles and interviews about and with Ruth, including the one where she discusses her new book: http://www.npr.org/search.php?text=ruth+reichl. Thanks so much Nurit for starting this discussion, it’s really interesting and seems to mean a lot to many people. Take care, Michele

  18. Kristen

    June 14th, 2009 at 09:07

    I thoroughly enjoyed Reichl’s previous books and would love a chance to win this one.

    whitreidsmama at yahoo.com

    Kristen’s last blog post..Sunday Salon

  19. Carlene

    June 14th, 2009 at 09:58

    The book sounds like it will be great. Please include me in your giveaway.
    Thanks
    Carlene
    iluvreading(at)Verizon.net

  20. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 15th, 2009 at 20:46

    Kate, Michele, thank you for the info about NPR. I haven’t thought about it. I will definitely want to listen to those interviews.

  21. Helen

    June 17th, 2009 at 19:18

    Yes, I have forgiven my parents(both deceased) for everything they did, didn’t do, needs not met, etc. It took me a very long time. Probably up in my 40′s then. I am trying to come to terms with an eating disorder(binge eater and COE). I am realizing that my whole entire life is related to food. From the time I can remember my past( my 1st memories begin around age 3), it is all tied to food. I am thinking that the love and mothering I never received came from “food”. Does that make sense? My sister and I were so much alike and we talked about this our entire life. Sadly, she took her life last year and I am struggling with that as well. Yes, I do have a psychiatrist I see but the appts. are like 4 months apart. Our town is severly limited in psych docs and there is no alternative. I am now on Luvox as I also have OCD (very small hoarding issues, clutter, etc.) I am anxious to read the book as I think I might see myself in it. Our mothers play probably the most important role in our life and if we don’t get our needs met then I think we struggle with that until we die. I think that is where I am. You are correct in that I have much self work to do. I want to heal. It is time and I am tired of the pain. In other words, I need to get off my pity pot!

  22. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 18th, 2009 at 09:21

    Dear Helen,
    I can feel your pain in your words.
    And I so sorry to hear about your sister.
    Getting as much support as possible is very important whether if it’s coming from doctors, medications, friends, other family members, and even books, and doing things that you love and make you happy.
    Ruth Reichl’s book mainly made me ask – it is possible to forgive our parents when they are still alive or it is something that we are/might be able to do only after they die, or maybe for some it is something they will never be able to do.
    I agree, parents, seems like moms even more, have the strongest impact on our lives. Whether it was good or bad, we carry it with us all our lives.
    I know I am trying to compensate myself for all the things I never had and needed/wanted through giving them to my children. From love, hugs, safety and security, to birthday parties and times spent together. That is healing me.
    I send you love.

  23. mindy

    June 19th, 2009 at 18:20

    the book sounds fabulous thanks

  24. sandy

    June 19th, 2009 at 18:42

    this book does sound amazing, interesting and I have put it on my to read list…please include me..thanks

  25. Abby

    June 19th, 2009 at 19:20

    This sounds like a book anyone woman would enjoy!

  26. Mary Ward

    June 19th, 2009 at 20:38

    I think it would totally change my relationship with my mother if she would share her dreams with me. She tells me everything about her past except how she really felt about things. I feel we would be so much closer.

  27. Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.

    June 19th, 2009 at 21:20

    Mary: I think so too. It’s hard to believe how parents, the people who are supposed to be the closest to us, are a mystery.

  28. jennifer cecil

    June 20th, 2009 at 10:45

    Don’t enter me. This book grabbed me. I bought a signed copy to give to my mother for christmas. Good luck with your giveaway.

  29. Christina Brunetti

    June 20th, 2009 at 11:51

    I would love to read this.

    thanks,

    darkfyre1(at)gmail(dot)com

  30. AmandaK

    June 20th, 2009 at 12:49

    This book sounds like a really fantastic read!! Enter me, please!

    AmandaK’s last blog post..Girls Night Out

  31. Bekah

    June 20th, 2009 at 15:01

    This book sounds fantastic! I would love to read it. Thanks!

  32. beth shepherd

    June 21st, 2009 at 19:24

    I would love to win.
    Thank you for the chance.
    tatertot374@sbcglobal.net

  33. Hillary Fairchild

    June 22nd, 2009 at 19:25

    This book sounds really great. Please enter me. Thank-u!

  34. Tea

    June 23rd, 2009 at 22:49

    As someone who is trying to transform a mother/daughter relationship while we’re both still alive, I’d say the jury is still out as to whether it’s possible—but I’m holding onto hope.

    Glad to know about your blog–will add it to my RSS!

  35. donna

    June 24th, 2009 at 05:03

    I am already subscribed to your blog. This book sounds terrific. Thanks for the chance.

  36. Shaina

    June 24th, 2009 at 20:32

    I would love to read this book, and I’m thrilled to have found your blog. I look forward to reading more.

    Shaina’s last blog post..Wish I Was There Mediterranean Pasta

  37. wendy wallach

    June 25th, 2009 at 04:32

    I have subscribed to your blog via rss feed.

    madamerkf at aol dot com

  38. Renee G

    June 25th, 2009 at 17:25

    I would love to read a copy of this.

    rsgrandinetti(at)yahoo(dot)com

  39. Jennifer Nicole

    June 26th, 2009 at 09:15

    Oh, and of course I’m following your RSS feed under a google reader (embracing.ambrosia, if you need the username). :) Is that an added entry? Yay!

  40. Jennifer Nicole

    June 26th, 2009 at 09:18

    ….aaaand I tweeted: http://twitter.com/craftyasparagus/status/2345905157

    :) Can you tell I’m really interested in this book? Haha.

  41. Karen

    June 28th, 2009 at 01:36

    I love Ruth Reichl! I’m a major foodie book groupie, and Ruth Reichl is right up there in the pantheon of literary food books. Especially after reading Garlic and Sapphires, I am really interested to read more about her complicated relationship with her mother … and I hope for some more food descriptions, too.

  42. Chrysa

    June 28th, 2009 at 22:01

    Thanks for the giveaway! I’m subscribed to your RSS feed.

    Chrysa’s last blog post..Print Organic Valley Coupons

  43. Michele

    July 1st, 2009 at 12:55

    Hello Nurit – this is a link to a fun video with Ruth Reichl: http://www.gourmet.com/food/video/2009/04/ruth_goes_undercover
    She has such a great sense of humor…Thanks again for the giveaway, I really hope that I am the lucky winner! Take care, Michele

  44. Whitney

    August 1st, 2009 at 19:45

    Just discovered your blog. I love it!
    .-= Whitney´s last blog ..Yay! For A First Post! =-.