I want to write about my father. Posting recipes and acting as if nothing is happening is just unperceivable.
But it is so hard.
I think it might be easier to write about one’s father when the relationships are/were close and loving than when it was mostly full of disappointments.
I’ve read food bloggers posts about their fathers before, like the one that Molly from Orangette posted and the one that Michael Ruhlman wrote. Both of them had strong and loving relationships with their dads which they deeply love and adore.
But my story is different and I can’t really relate to their stories. I’m very happy for people who have such wonderful family ties but personally I find little consolation in them.
Maybe it’s just my point of view but I bet that at least 50% of the world population have difficulties with their parents. It’s a 50-50 chance, no?!
I lost my dad when I was about 3 years old.
My father has disappeared from life the day he walked out the door, went on a plane, and flew to another continent to start a new life. A life without me.
Thinking about it now when I’m all grown up and a parent myself, I think that maybe to me, as a little girl, he died way back then. What does a little girl understand about having a dad one day and the next day he is gone (almost) forever?
So the word “father” doesn’t really mean that much to me. Besides those first 3 years of my life, we never lived in the same continent, country, or state.
I think he wanted to have a family, but more than that he wanted to be free. Be free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants to. To travel, go out, party, be his own boss, live his life lightly without too much baggage to carry around or worry about. (If you’re a parent and/or someone who travels, you probably know how much stuff parents take when they travel with their kids…)
He is now very sick. I flew to visit him in the hospital. He is 60 years old but now looks like 120. Things don’t look good, but you can never know what’s going to happen next, right?! Maybe he will get better. I don’t know.
In the spirit of “Not Becoming My Mother” (a signed copy of the book giveaway) I’d say that being a parent can be hard and challenging, tiring, and frustrating at times. Kids have a lot of needs. It’s not easy for every person to be a good parent. Being a loving parent is not a natural instinct to everyone, even when they are created from their own flesh and blood.
What can I do?
Hug my children every day, let them know how amazing they are, say “I’m sorry” when I made a mistake…
And always look at them with a spark in my eye because they are the sunshine of my life.
Now go and give someone a hug.
Categories : Family