This blog will soon turn 1 years old! I always tried to keep it a happy place. Write only about cooking, baking, kids, parties, birthdays, farms, vacations… the good stuff, you know… Well, this might change and I’d like to know what you think about it.
You see, sometimes I visit blogs where everything looks so beautiful and life seems so perfect, and the stories are of happy lives full of joy, love, and all those good things. As much as I am truly happy for these people I, 1) don’t completely buy it because every person has problems, challenges, difficulties, and ups and downs from time to time, right?! and 2) it makes me feel a bit gloomy when I’m having rough times myself and I’m thinking about my difficulties versus these other happy places portrayed on these blogs.
Well, my blog is, after all, about family first, and food is only third place after friends. And family means, like food in a way, that sometimes the recipe turns out great and sometimes it sucks.
The side of my family I have showed you so far is my husband and my kids who have turned me upside down and inside out. I have changed so much in the past 8 years since I got married and became a mom. I had no choice. I love them so much and I want to be a much better person for them. It’s a constant challenge and a life long process. It’s a never ending journey. Or, a lot of introspection, in short.
I did not choose *** “Not Becoming My Mother” (an autographed!) book giveaway *** by chance (click the link for details on how to win this book here). After reading this book I had many many thoughts. I struggle with this on both ends, one as a parent working hard for winning my children’s love and respect. I don’t take it for granted that my kids should feel that way towards me because I gave them life. That was the easy part. I think parents need to gain their children respect through showing them respect and A LOT of love and care. And second, I think about my relationships with my own parents.
Especially now that my father is sick. Very sick. And I don’t know how long he will live, and if he will live what quality of life he is going to have after going through a bone marrow transplant that his brother donated to save him. We’re still waiting to see what happens.
Ruth Reichl had a box full of letters and it helped her rediscover her mother and understand her mother’s life better and in a more forgiving way. My dad, after his first cancer treatment, went back home and gave me an envelope with letters from my childhood. It had quite the opposite effect on me. The things I managed to put behind, some I forgave, some I forgot, have surfaced back.
I’m feeling that continuing to post recipes here and talk about the good life as if nothing else is happening in the background is like pretending that everything is cool when it’s not. I know that many people go through rough times with family matters and some of them still need to eat, right?! What I don’t know is… what do you think?
Do you think that food blogs should only be humorous, entertaining, and about the fun things in life, or is there a place for blogs that discuss heavier stuff now and then with a recipe for dinner or a cake?
Does food go only with a smile or can a tear appear as well every now and then?
 Happy: Counting my blessings |
 Flesh and blood |
 Food books I love |
via E-mail
via RSS
follow me on Twitter
22 Comments
Leslie
June 9th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Cooking is creativity, and creativity is, in a sense, essentially problem-solving. How do I get from here to there? I am interested in stories about that, whether it’s a story about making a pie, an episode of Project Runway or someone writing about how they got through a challenging time in their life. How do we, as humans, figure things out and make the best of a situation? I certainly don’t wish struggle or anything like it on anyone, but to me, how a person handles challenges, dealing with limitations, setbacks, unexpected turns of events, is more interesting than a report on how everything went great.
So I say yes, write about what you want to write about and your audience will go along with you. As a friend always tells me, “You are god of your blog! You make the rules.”
All that said, I am so sorry to hear about your father, and wish you and your family all the best during this hard time. I will read about not-happy times, but still wish you lots of happy times to come.
Jennifer Nicole
June 9th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
This post is exactly what I love about blogs with a specific focus: it’s a dose of your personal life, your reality, that makes reading the more specific stuff (recipes and grocery lists) more tangible. Without posts like these, many blogs would become stale and appear almost mechanical.
I started doing “What About Wednesday” because I couldn’t stand *not* posting about other things in my life, whether or not my blog was focused on eco-fashion and design. I think making the choice to talk about your reality – no matter how positive or negative it is at the moment – is a good thing, as long as it’s balanced with the original purpose of the website.
And as far as my own website goes, I’m working on the white-on-black thing, to make it a little easier on the eyes.
unconfidentialcook
June 9th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
So sorry to hear about your Dad–it’s so hard, this getting older, and it’s tough watching the people you love get older. What a wonderful brother he must have! Thanks for the great post. I totally agree that everything is not always perfectly rosey, and one of the things I do not like about living in LA is that everyone acts like life is as sunny as the day. It’s hard to find a bit of truthfulness (as I had with all my friends in nyc), so I really appreciate hearing about the downs as well as the ups: I always think that if you and your friends/family can take the bad with the good…you’ve got that much more between you. Thank you!
unconfidentialcook’s last blog post..Carrot and Beet Salad (*RR)
jacquie
June 9th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
food goes w/ life. and life comes w/ both smiles and tears. sometimes the food we make/share when we need to comfort or be comforted is the only thing we are able to do and some of the most imporant food that is made. so please share those recipes and stories.
good luck w/the current place you are in life. i hope you find some comfort, peace and grace in the load you are currently bearing.
jacquie
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Leslie, I agree with you. I like to know about the process and not just the end results. We learn from mistakes, from trials and errors.
yeah, but I still like people to stop by and read it, and hopefully return… Thank you for the good wishes.
I’m god of my blog?
Jennifer, I think so too, but somehow it seems to me that more food blogs are about humor and fun which is cool, but I need something else from time to time to make me feel connected to reality which isn’t always so funny.
And, you’ve got so many blogs going on. How do you keep up?
Thanks for working on the black-white thing. Maybe it’s just my tired eyes (I need to sleep more), but I appreciate it any way!
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
unconfidentialcook, yes, my father is very lucky to have such a brother. Our family is scattered all over the planet and his brother lives close to him and visits every day for the past 7 months in addition to the donation! The downside to it, is that each family memeber is dealing with this alone.
jacquie, thank you so much.
All your comments mean so much to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wishes with me as well as the other readers.
Jennifer Nicole
June 9th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Just the two! And yes, it is hard to keep up, especially with a full-time job, boyfriend, dog, cat, and house. I guess I just like being busy!
Jennifer Nicole’s last blog post..Go Green with Red Tag Crazy
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 9th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Jennifer, I thought The Demoiselles is also your blog (with another friend).
Jennifer Nicole
June 9th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Yep – I run The Demoiselles with Miss Elle, and Awakened Aesthetic on my own.
Please don’t tell me I have a third I don’t know about…;)
Jennifer Nicole’s last blog post..Go Green with Red Tag Crazy
Jennifer Nicole
June 9th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Oh – What About Wednesday! That’s just a once-a-week thing I do on Awakened Aesthetic, not a separate blog. It lets me take a break from the eco fashion side of things.
Jennifer Nicole’s last blog post..Go Green with Red Tag Crazy
Berni
June 10th, 2009 at 2:05 am
My thoughts and love go out to you and your family Nurit. As far as the blogging goes, I say follow your heart, write about what you want to write about. I think the complex dynamics that are family is something everyone can relate to, I sure in sharing your thoughts and feelings you will reach out and help others in more ways than you can imagine.
Berni’s last blog post..Weight Loss Weekly
donna
June 10th, 2009 at 6:00 am
I am sorry to hear of your bad times, and my thoughts are with you. My opinion on the blog front is that it is YOUR blog, and if you feel comfortable sharing what you may NEED to share, please do so. Your loyal readers care and will continue to read you no matter what. I will.
Anne
June 10th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Nurit, this must be a time of great upheaval for you. And the letters! Oh man, I can imagine the mixed thoughts and feelings that would surface from a gift like that. You and your family are in my thoughts. I think it is good to be real. For me, when I write about hard times in a public way, I try to bring with it a seed of something that the reader can take away–such as a realization/nugget of wisdom, a compelling question, or even hope. I think authenticity was something that one of the panels was talking about at IFBC, and I thought that was cool. I’m interested in authenticity. And the thought you raise (about questioning the blogs that show only a happy, shiny life) is compelling. Thank you.
Anne
Katrina
June 10th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Food can be a cathartic way of dealing with the heavy stuff. It’s nice to know that there are other bloggers out there who have real lives, not just happy and perfect veneers we see through photos. I know that I personally have used food in the past to help myself or friends discuss some of the harder things in life. I’ma ll for you including it here.
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Bernie, Donna, Anne, Katrina, thank you all.
Wow, I’m so amazed by the thoughts and stories you share. Not that I didn’t know you are the best…
Thank you all for the good wishes. My uncle is the hero in this story really. He and his wife are helping my dad for many months now since other family members are living in other countries or are not feeling close enough to be part of this episode.
As for blogging – yes, it’s is my blog, but I don’t want to be the only one who is reading it. Finding a way to engage other people is on my mind as well as not leaving you feeling gloomy after each post. It’s the thought that other people might go, or have gone, through similar life situations is what makes me want to include it in my blog.
Maybe it was chance but I’ve seen more fun or picture perfect food blogs then not, so I was just wondering what’s about it. But sure, there are some pretty good real life blogs out there that I have found and many more waiting to be found. Maybe I should do a post about those and link to them.
As for cooking – for me it is kind of a meditative act. I think this is why I prefer to be alone in the kitchen and cook by myself. It’s really a time for me to disconnect from other things and clear my mind. It’s like taking a little break.
Natasha - 5 Star Foodie
June 10th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and that you are going through some hard times right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Natasha – 5 Star Foodie’s last blog post..Frozen Coffee Liqueur Soufflé
Marie - Mamma's Cooking
June 10th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Nurit – Sorry to hear about your dad. As someone else stated above cooking is definitely a stress reliever!
I’m so bummed that I missed the Ruth Reichl event. I’ve been to one of the Seattle Food Blogger events but haven’t been able to make one lately. Hopefully the next in July. I look forward to getting the chance to chat with you. I really enjoy your blog. I linked to your blog from my most recent post in Mamma’s cooking.
Marie – Mamma’s Cooking’s last blog post..Summertime!
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Thank you, Natasha.
Marie, thank you for linking and your feedback. I would love to meet you next time we both go to a bloggers event.
Diana
June 17th, 2009 at 9:18 am
We’ve chatted a lot about this, so you know I say GO FOR IT! I hope you’re able to work through the things those letters brought up. What an opportunity! As much as it hurts, it’s when we deal with our hurts rather than try to forget them that we can truly experience the fullness of life. Eric and I are still praying hard for you. Let me know if you want to get together to talk sometime.
Nurit - 1 family. friendly. food.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Diana, Gosh, you are the sweetest person. But I’m OK and I’ll be fine. So many people in the world need prayers much more than I do. Really. I’m strong. Thank you.
Tricia
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I love to read about real life. Like you, when I read that everything is wonderful all the time, I feel skeptical and sometimes even cheated. I like to get my hands dirty, whether it’s mushing my fingers in cookie dough with my son or with my writing. There’s always a place for humor and levity, but I really do find myself more drawn to what feels real. I hope that makes sense…and there’s always food for every emotion…celebratory food, comfort food…
I’d love to learn more about the envelope of letters and the journey rereading them is taking you on.
Tricia’s last blog post..Redefining Normal
Kristi
June 24th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I just have to tell you — WOW, I’m glad I found your blog!
From chain-smoking grandmother that reminds me of my own, to a turbulent relationship with your father who is struggling with health problems while he’s still so long, to an intense love for your kids that sometimes turns your life upside down, to the need to express yourself through, of all things, writing about food. Looks like we have a few things in common! Yes, please keep writing with honesty, don’t skip the painful stuff, and bring in the food wherever you can. I’ll keep reading for sure.
Kristi’s last blog post..put the kid to work: quesadilla day